evergreen

if you seek a friend
you may not find one
just because you like the sound of a laugh
or the music their fingers make
just because you know they are good
does not your friend make
it is hard to live among closed doors
disillusion heavy in the air
move then to the space that you know
without walls and doors
stop knocking at those
that made your heart beat so

sometimes goodbye is lasting
and your heart will always play tricks
and you will always ache with miss
but let go of what is gone
and don't sweat to hold what you can not
memory and perception
are as fragile as feelings hurt
beside magic lights in a lake
on a summer night swept with ache

don't wait for spring to come alive
you are evergreen
have always been the queen

i remember holding you
through our pain relieved me
and i knew then with deep sadness
that i dreaded this goodbye
for you meant it
and i would be left missing you
sleeping with your memory
and watching tv on your couch

in everything i should perhaps focus on
i get swept away in waves and skin
retrieve my knowing from the lost and found
again and again
i convict myself to the prison of time gone by
and there stare at myself
numbly demanding release
i see myself on the other side
and sometimes find myself there

it is a shame that my window has bars
perhaps that is why i wake up this way
watch silly shoes move onto delancy street
peace on the F train
feeling the city above me
and the quiet within me
soon i will be gone
you were never real to me
i must remember this